Shiva declares in the Gama Tantra, that …

women are to be worshipped with reverence and care, every woman, without exception. Even those who have abandoned conventional norms, who live beyond rigid notions of propriety, who partake of all things, who stand beyond the categories of virtue and vice, who live freely, who eat meat, who are sensual, whatever their way of being, they are to be regarded as divine, equal to the gods.

Even courtesans are worthy of reverence, and their dwelling is said to be like Prayāga, a sacred place of pilgrimage. There the sādhaka must bow. He must guard himself against any act or thought that generates hatred toward women. He should not look upon them with objectifying vision, whether in nakedness or in intimacy. Nor should he feel aversion toward an aged body, toward forms altered by time, or toward beauty that has faded. Even what appears as distortion carries its own beauty. Furthermore, no one should reveal the place of secret gatherings or initiatory unions among the initiated.

Such is the teaching of Shiva.

Every woman is Devi; Shakti herself. When one learns to behold each woman as mother or elder sister, respect arises naturally and effortlessly.

And this is the most wholesome approach, especially for young men. If you begin to look at women romantically, try to possess them, grow attached, or weave dreams of marriage around them, you may find yourself deeply entangled. I speak from experience: the purest relationship one can hold with a woman is that of a child or a younger brother. Let your love take that form.

Gaze upon their beauty as you would behold the beauty of your mother, with reverence, not desire. The moment thoughts of romance and possession arise, everything becomes clouded. Once that emotion takes root, you are ensnared; life begins to lose its clarity and strength. Shakti becomes Māyā, and you become like Śumbha and Niśumbha…bound, overpowered, or inwardly destroyed.

Therefore, within the STurn community, no sādhaka is permitted to enter into, or even entertain the idea of, a romantic relationship with another participant. For women practitioners, all male sādhakas are to be regarded as brothers or children; for men, all female sādhikās are to be regarded as mothers or sisters. It is best to address one another as brother-disciple or sister-disciple.

If you were already married or in a committed relationship before joining STurn, that is entirely acceptable. However, if any practitioner develops sexual attraction toward another participant, or engages in flirtation, the initiation will be considered nullified. Such a person will be barred from further advanced practices, and all associated privileges will cease.

As for the Yoginī—what consequences unfold thereafter are beyond ordinary reckoning.

Many have attempted to disregard this discipline in the past, and the consequences they faced, and may yet continue to face, are not something you would wish upon yourself. STurn is not a platform for seeking relationships; for that, there are matrimonial websites. This is not that space.

But let us return to the central point: a woman, in whatever form she appears, is worthy of reverence. All are to be regarded as manifestations of the Divine Mother.

This naturally raises an important question: if a sādhaka is instructed to see all women as mother, how then is maithuna sanctioned within Kaulācāra?

Understand that the process there is of an entirely different order. First, it never occurs without the explicit command and guidance of the Guru. Second, in that act one does not remain identified with one’s limited identity. In that state, you are not present as an individual. There is only Shiva and Shakti.

If even the slightest trace of personal identity, of egoic self-awareness, remains, the act is not spiritually valid. Therefore, immense prior sādhana is required, so that samāveśa, the state of total identification with Shiva, has been genuinely realized. Even then, the ritual is performed with the recitation of specific mantras and sacred procedures. It is not ordinary intercourse, nor is it something performed by the ego-self.

The authority for such a practice belongs only to highly advanced practitioners, those capable, in that moment, of truly perceiving themselves as Shiva and the other as Shakti (or vice versa). In that state, there is no mother–child relationship, because the personal “you” is absent.

As long as the sense of “I” remains, all women are to be regarded as mother. The authority for this form of sādhana is granted only to the rare few. And it is by no means compulsory; even without it, the supreme goal you seek can certainly be attained.

The one to whom you are married, or the one to whom you may one day be married should also be regarded fundamentally with the same reverential vision, as mother or sister. When conjugal union occurs, strive inwardly to see yourself as Shiva and her as Pārvatī. Let this awareness shape and elevate your married life.

This discipline may well be the most difficult of all, for it stands in direct opposition to the instinctual, animal tendencies embedded within human nature. Desires and impulses will make it extremely challenging. Yet, to the extent that it is possible, strive to uphold it. Otherwise, by what right can one claim to be “free”?

The practice of honoring womanhood can begin at home itself, by serving your mother or wife, by perceiving in them the presence of Goddess, by keeping them content, and by offering them the finest you can, just as one offers the best in worship to the Divine. You may also perform Kumari Pūjan.

Just as one must learn to perceive Shakti in every woman, so too must one learn to behold Shiva in every man. Yet the discipline begins with honoring womanhood, for in our conservative society it is women who most often suffer from a lack of reverence.

Where people indulge in character assassination and slut-shaming, Shiva declares something radical: even those who are, in worldly terms, prostitutes are to be regarded as divine; their dwelling is like a sacred pilgrimage site, one should bow there with folded hands. When you cultivate such a vision, lust loses its power over you.

Reflect upon this carefully: those who most eagerly slander the character of others are often the very ones whose own character is questionable, whose inner world is most dominated by craving and desire.

Therefore, the way to transcend lust is not through repression or condemnation, but through transformation, by converting desire into devotion, and lust into reverence.

These disciplines also arose for historical reasons. In certain Kaula Tantric lineages, female practitioners, under the explicit command of the Guru, were at times encouraged to be more openly expressive in matters of sexuality. The emphasis, however, was not symmetrical. Far greater stress was placed upon the celibacy and self-restraint of the male practitioners, and it remains so. For men, mastery over sensual impulse is considered indispensable.

In women, by contrast, centuries of social conditioning had often driven suppression to much deeper levels. Many psychological disturbances were understood to arise from this repression. In some contexts, therefore, conscious expression, within strict ritual and spiritual framework, formed a part of their sādhana, which is why certain sādhikās participated in ritual maithuna.

It was also observed that women often possess a more intense current of sexual energy than men; consequently, the transformative impact of such practices could be especially powerful for them. Yet all of this occurred under rigorous discipline, according to scriptural injunctions and solely under the Guru’s authority.

The problem arose when other practitioners, still burdened by their own conditioning and the narratives absorbed from society, began to judge these women, labeling them as immoral or fallen. Such judgment became the very cause of their own spiritual decline. This is one reason why even courtesans are to be honored in a paradoxical way, to purify perception and uproot hypocrisy.

In certain Shakti rituals, when establishing the kalaśa, soil is traditionally gathered from various places, such as a cowshed, a sacred confluence of rivers, and, in some traditions, even from the threshold of a courtesan’s dwelling, including the dust of her feet. This is Tantra: it confronts and transforms the mind’s dualities.

But none of this is a license for indulgence. It must never be used as a pretext for sensual gratification. Its purpose is the purification of perception and the transcendence of lust, so that one’s life is no longer governed by gender identity or by the impulses of the body.

A true Tantric is not one who suppresses desire, nor one who indulges it, but one who transforms it. In fact, no one is more inwardly disciplined in matters of sexuality than an authentic practitioner of Tantra.